Top 21 Signs That the Enterprise is Nearing the End of
- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner
of warp coil now held up by phone book.
- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep
image from flickering.
- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
side become to steep for crew to climb.
- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
people on board.
- Holodeck becomes caught in infinite loop: ship is overcome by
ten thousand care bears.
- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft
macaroni and cheese.
- Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
- Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will
either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
- Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in
Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
- Ship's dryer indiscriminently shreds crew's uniforms, and
related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new
clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
- Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says
"Pretty please, with sugar on it."
- Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer
crashes and loses access to nude volleyball program.
- Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room
are exhausted, and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
- Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.