10. If a sign says 'buy one, get one free' only get the free one
9. Always give the pizza guy bad directions to your house so you can get it for free if he is late
8. Unless something is damaged, its in "mint" condition
7. If it is damaged, then its "near mint"
6. If there is a limit per customer, bring a friend and come back every 10 minutes to buy more
5. Its cheaper to bribe a stock boy than the manager
4. Consequences schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich
3. No matter what you steal from the Federation, the Romulans will always pay top dollar for it
2. Only sell to civilizations dumber than you are
1. All those rules apply to other people--not you